Editor's Comment | The Lifestyle Life and Negativity

by EMERSON SLOANE

In the last few days, I've received many messages from supportive readers and others I barely know or not at all in light of some incidents where another lifestyle industry person, in Minnesota, made personal attacks on me on social media and posted an email I sent months ago with an invitation to write for Haven.  I extended the invitation out of a kindness and the invitation was reproduced on that person's Facebook page in a most unprofessional and deliberately misrepresented context in order to provoke negative attention.  It's unfortunate.  But, on another note, I thank you for your support.  

I won't get into the specifics of the situations simply because I believe that gives even more attention to the person desperately seeking it than I care to entertain--even more than I am doing right now by writing this editorial.  But, instead, I wanted to address it in terms of writing lifestyle content and what my personal philosophy is about that role, in order to put a positive face on an otherwise personally upsetting episode.  

I've been in this writing world for just about 20 years now.  I began writing opinion editorials and columns about culture, entertainment and then about dating and relationships as part of being a gay man.  I also wrote theatre reviews and stories about stage productions.  At the age of 32, I became a publication editor-in-chief.  With that role, my responsibilities shifted significantly away from me, personally, as a writer and more into the realm of helping our contributors shine and making the publication the focus rather than any one person.  While I still write under my own byline, especially since venturing into my own publishing endeavors, my focus is still on the content and that's where I believe it belongs.

There's a responsibility that comes with writing about "lifestyle" as we term it in this industry.  It is primarily about trust.  You can't write about the clothes people wear, the food they eat, the things they can choose for their personal living spaces, and all of those associated things without developing trust and keeping the trust of the people reading all of those words.  I cringe at the words "expert" or "authority" on any of these topics in the lifestyle arena because I don't think anyone can claim that kind of role in people's lives.

Rather, I view my role here as a vessel, if you will.  In 2009, when I started my own website devoted to writing about art and culture, which eventually, in 2012, evolved into this site, I told people that all of this was about breaking down barriers, busting up stereotypes, and making things accessible for readers whether it's art or food or clothing.  So, through my writing and through the writing of our contributors, we help people develop what they already have within them.  We all have the capacity.  And with sites like this, in their best efforts and on their best days, we encourage people to be more and do more with what's innate, in a way that represents their lives; not mine.  If there's anything I've consistently pressed into my communications with our contributors about writing here, it's that the style is conversational and inclusive and nice--like something we would be sharing with a good friend because we should consider the people who spend some of their time with us online friends.  If you find that philosophy hokey or not fitting in with the otherwise cynical view most of us hold about the world, that's fine.  But, that's how it is here.

The focus is on good quality content and advice and points of view and not about me in pictures or anything else gratuitous or egocentric. I'm fortunate to share the space with talented people who wish to share their writing and points of view.  I'm fortunate to have other publications and chefs also share their delicious recipes mixed in with ones that are part of our own original content.  We write our own content and curate some of the best of what we find out in the world.  Lifestyle writing is a continuing collaboration of creative forces where no one person is the expert--for we are all learning something new and cool all the time about ourselves, about others, while working toward the same result.  If that remains my true motivation, I can never steer the ship here off course.

I don't subscribe to negativity for the sake of cleverness.  And I certainly don't engage in it as a practice to set myself apart as an expert in anything or as an authority on what you should eat or wear.  Personally and professionally, I don't think it's useful to be nasty.  And especially not in this forum of trust.  Months ago, late at night, while searching for an interview of Oprah Winfrey--the ultimate lifestyle personality, of course--I came upon an obscure, not widely seen interview she did with students at Stanford University at their graduate school of business.  The topic was "Career, Life, and Leadership."  I settled in for the usual stuff we know about Oprah Winfrey, but then she began to talk about her motivation and I was touched and had my own moment of clarity.

Oprah mentioned that her motivation for her career was funneled into her own work--her motivation to empower people and everything associated with that.  Success comes, if the motivation is pure and the result comes honestly from it.  The times that people focus on fame for its own sake and everything becomes about getting there and getting that attention are the times when we produce less and produce the worst product.  

I care about what people think not for my own ego, but for the success of what goes on here.  I genuinely care about people and take very seriously my part in influencing them in any way.  And because I do care, my focus is on the quality and content and motivation of the writing.  When the writing gets the attention it gets from individuals or from sponsors, advertisers, or others interested in the success of this publication, I'm pleased and that's all I need in my life.  That's my own motivation and any success that comes from that, if any at all, is gravy.  Good, seasoned, well-made gravy, to be sure.  This is a lifestyle site, after all.  And I thank you for reading.

All the best.

© 2015 Haven Style.  All rights reserved.

Working World | Real Talk from a Recruiter about Your First Adult Job from Interview to Clothing

by DAVID BRUMFIELD

So you are a college graduate and moving onto the real world? Congratulations! But, there are going to be some challenges you are going to face and hopefully, as a young professional and professional recruiter, I can help. Along with putting college behind you, it is time to start putting the hoodies, ripped jeans, pizza stained t-shirts and worn out Sperrys behind you too. Hopefully, you elected to do an internship while you were in college so you can get a taste of the real working world, but if you didn’t, it is time to make finding a job a full time job for yourself.

Your first step is to compose a resume. I bet you can’t wait to list that you were “Social Chair” of your respected fraternity or sorority. Don’t. Instead of that, put the volunteer work or charities that you and your organization supported. A trend that I am seeing these days is that unless you are a doctor, lawyer or going into a specialized field, you will most likely find a job that you did not major in. Are you thinking, “I spent all of this money and spent the last four years of my life learning about American History and I won’t be working in that field?" Probably not. Your first job out of college is usually an entry level job and that first step into adulthood. Oh, by the way, please do not put your high school GPA on your resume. Please. 

The next step is to start dressing like a big boy and big girl. This is something I had to learn myself. Right after high school, I joined the Marine Corps so I had a uniform to wear every day. I never had to worry about what I was going to wear or if it looked cool. What I did learn, and what a valuable lesson it was, is how to wear your clothes. A military uniform--you know, the camouflage uniform you see--that is our suit. When you wear a suit to work, you feel and look accomplished, but you also don’t want to look dumpy. What I am getting at is...take $25-$50 and tailor your clothes. Nobody cares where you buy it from, but if you are going to be a professional, dress like one. There is a huge difference in tailored shirts, pants and suits.

As a recruiter, I hire people every day. Whether it is for my internal team or for a client that retains our services, we want to provide them with the best candidate and appearance is certainly high on our evaluation. When someone comes and interviews for a position at my company, what is the first thing we look at? How well dressed you are. That means a lot. Perception is reality. People can tell how organized you are, and how much you care about yourself tells me how well you will care about your job. Nine out of 10 people get hired because they get along with someone in the interview. Knowing you are coming right out of college, I know that you do not have any job history to show me what your return on investment will be. But what I do want to see is how you interact with whom will be your supervisor and also the team you will work with. It is difficult to build a dynamic office culture, so companies do their best to protect it. If you get to the point where you are introduced to potential co-workers, keep an eye on what they are wearing and mirror them if you get the job until you find out if there is a “casual environment or casual Friday.” It is best to overdress the first week. 

While you are interviewing, make sure you are up to speed on current events, sports, and realize that interviewing is a two way street. Ask them questions. If you are into sports and you notice that they are drinking out of a Virginia Tech glass or mug, strike up that conversation! If he or she is a Jeep lover and you happen to be one, let them know. People are hired because they like you. Anyone can be trained to do a job. I can’t and won't train myself to like you. After you are done interviewing, send a thank you letter. It is always nice to send an email, but if you really want to make an impact and separate yourself from the others we are interviewing, send a handwritten thank you letter. That shows you are serious, mature and have a ton of class.

OK, you got the offer! What do you do next? Accept it. Now go run and celebrate, but please do not post anything on Facebook. Which brings me to social media—when you are interviewing, DO NOT post anything to Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat or Instagram. We look. I look all the time. Here is an example for you: I had a friend that was doing a phone interview with a local company and the interviewer was late to call. So she posted something smart about being respectful of peoples time, etc. Turns out the HR Manager for that job was a friend of mine on Facebook, saw me comment on it and didn’t hire the person. Watch your ass…don’t show it on social media. 

OK, back to the offer. Sign it and turn it back in as soon as you can. Just as you are excited to join a company, they are excited to have you on board. When someone is hired internally, there are always high hopes and we want to make a good impression on you too. Like I said, two-way street. 

All right, here is what you have been waiting for. Your first day. You wake up and think, “Shit, what am I going to wear?” and this is where I’d like to help. I’m a guy so I am going to speak on what you should have in your wardrobe and you don’t really need a lot. When I left the Marines, I had to learn the hard way. I didn’t know what I know now on fashion--the “essentials” and must haves to survive corporate America. Here is what you need:

Dress shirts

Make sure you get the traditional white button down, light blue oxford button down, etc, but don’t be afraid to get those pastels. What is really cool about the workplace now is that some want business casual and some want casual. You should have a few shirts that you can tuck into a nice pair of jeans with some drivers, but also have some dress shirts that you can put a blazer over in case you have a networking event that week or a client coming to visit.  I always keep a blue blazer and a black blazer at my desk at work that can go with anything I wear.  Also buy some collar stays--avoid "bacon collar."

Blazers

Blue, black, and tan. Keep at least one at your desk. Please do not buy one that has gold buttons--make sure the buttons are the same color as your blazer. Except the tan one--that should have dark brown buttons. Go down to your local tailor and have it tailored. That will be one of your best investments as you grow—a good tailor. 

Pants

NO PLEATS. Period. Or cuffs at the bottom of your pants. Please. I know a lot of looks are coming back, but this one shouldn’t. Get yourself some black, blue, gray (both light and dark) and khaki dress pants that require dry-cleaning. Make sure you get these tailored, too. Slight break at the shoe with the back of the pant leg landing right at the top of your sole. Make sure you have khakis just to wear if you don’t have to dress up. Usually, I will wear some nice ironed khakis on Thursday or Friday since the week is winding down. 

Shoes

Oxfords are a hit with me. I like simplistic shoes, but that’s me. Shine them. It costs you $6 at Target to get a shine buffer that already has the solution in it. Buy one for your closet and one for your desk drawer at work. Again, you never know who will come by for a visit or if you have to represent your company at an event. People look at shoes. How you care for your shoes is the biggest “tell-tell” on how you dress all the time. Dirty shoes—you must be wearing a dirty shirt. Wear brown or black oxfords and get some drivers. I love those. They go well with dress pants, casual pants and jeans. They look great with a blazer and jeans. 

Belts

To be simple about this, get a nice belt that you can reverse the colors. Save money and make sure your belt color matches your shoes. Hell, people even forget to wear a belt and that drives me insane. 

Accessories

Get rid of the college watches and find a nice timepiece that has a neutral band so it goes with everything.  

© 2015 Haven Style.  All rights reserved.

AT HOME | Glassware for the Home Bar

by EMERSON SLOANE

Of the many objects used for home entertaining, glassware is among the most traditional.  For the properly stocked home bar, you'll need the following basics in as many a number as you wish for entertaining.  You can find all of these glasses in varying levels of quality and price from the highest-end stores down to department stores like Target.

BEER GLASSES 

Mugs and pilsner.  We like the pilsner because of its statuesque proportions.  They're used for many types of light beers.  The slender glass will reveal the color and  carbonation of the beer.  The broad top will help maintain a beer head.  Keep with tradition and use the pilsner only for beer.  Beer mugs, however, can also be used for iced coffee, ice cream sodas, and the like.  Some mugs have tops on them--believed to be a holdover from the days of the plague when they were meant to keep diseased flies out.

SNIFTERS

These are more about about shape than size for trapping the aroma in the bowl.  This glass is used to serve aged brown spirits such as brandy or whisky. You can put a fun spin on the snifter by using it at your next luncheon or dinner party with apple cider (in the fall) or lemonade (in summer.)  The large surface area of the glass helps evaporate the liquid.  The rounded bottom allows the glass to be cupped in the palm of the hand, warming the liquor.  Also used for serving cognac.

SPARKLING WINE (CHAMPAGNE) GLASSES

We prefer the classic coupe. The flute still makes lovely music, but when you sip from the wide glass bowl of a coupe glass, you'll feel like you're in an old Hollywood movie.  The stem allows the drinker to hold the glass without affecting the temperature of the drink.  The bowl is designed to retain the carbonation.  The flute has largely taken over in popularity from the champagne coupe, a larger, shallow, broad-bowled stemmed glass.  Rumor has it that the shape of the coupe glass was modeled after the breast of Marie Antoinette although this is probably not at all true. Yet, it still makes for interesting chatter at a cocktail party.

COLLINS GLASSES

These are thinner than a highball, and a natural for a Tom or Rum Collins.  This is a tumbler used to serve mixed drinks.  You can also use it to serve Bloody Marys.  The Collins glass is between 8 and 14 ounces, but look for a 12 ounce glass as the perfect size.  They may be frosted or clear.

CORDIALS

Also known as "pony" glasses, these smaller, stemmed glasses are often used to serve after-dinner liqueurs, although a true "cordial" contains no alcohol at all and is a fruity drink diluted with water to achieve the desired level of sweetness.  But, in the US, especially, they are used to serve alcohol, sometimes even wine, when a restaurant or bar is looking to make a little more money per glass.

HIGHBALL GLASSES

At 8-12 ounces, these glasses are meant to accommodate everything from gin and tonics to bloody marys and sometimes even beer.  The highball glass is taller than an old fashioned glass and shorter and wider than a collins glass.  The highball glass is an elegant necessity for your bar since it is the most commonly used for all your mixed drinks.

MARTINI GLASSES

It seems like these days, martini glasses are filled with everything but soup.  Why mess with a classic?  Only a martini belongs in a martini glass.  A proper martini glass is a stemmed glass with a cone-shaped bowl and a flat base. Its form derives from the fact that all cocktails are traditionally served chilled and contain an aromatic element. Thus, the stem allows the drinker to hold the glass without affecting the temperature of the drink, and the wide bowl places the surface of the drink directly under the drinker's nose, ensuring that the aromatic element has the desired effect.  I once had someone at a club serve me a martini in an old-fashioned or "rocks" glass on the rocks and I sent it back for a proper glass, minus the ice.

ROCKS GLASSES

Also known as a lowball glass or old-fashioned glass, these glasses are between 4 and 10 ounces.  It's a short tumbler for drinks such as whiskey with ice ("on the rocks").  They typically have a wide brim, thus releasing the flavours of the drink. They also typically have a thick base (or tunc), so that the non-liquid ingredients of a cocktail can be 'muddled' (mashed using a muddler) before the main liquid ingredients are added.

SHOT GLASSES

This one-sip only 2-ounce glass is not just for pouring and measuring.  You can use these glasses  for serving your best whiskey neat or your tequila fast. The Oxford English Dictionary's first citation for the term "shot glass" is in The New York Times during the 1940s, but several examples exist from the 1930s. However, although it was used by some, the term apparently did not come into common usage until much later.

WINE GLASSES

For good reasons, red wine is best in a balloon-shaped glass and white wine is best served in a smaller glass typically with a narrower nose.  Red wine glasses measure 8-14 ounces; white wine glasses measure 6-8 ounces.  High quality wine glasses are often made of lead crystal. Lead crystal glasses' advantages are not only primarily aesthetic. One factor of lead crystal is it is generally considered to have a higher index of refraction, thus changing the angle of the light passing through the material. Lead crystal is also rougher than glass on a microscopic level, allowing wine in the glass to breathe more efficiently when swirled in the bowl.   Glasses for red wine are characterized by their rounder, wider bowl, which increases the rate of oxidation.  As oxygen from the air chemically interacts with the wine, flavour and aroma are believed to be subtly altered. This process of oxidation is generally considered more compatible with red wines, whose complex flavours are said to be smoothed out after being exposed to air.  We recommend skipping the wine glasses that are without their stems.  The purpose of the stem is to hold the glass without having the hand alter the temperature of the wine by touching the bowl.

© 2015 Haven Style.  All rights reserved.