by EMRSON SLOANE
Although we have more outlets than ever before for information and for knowing and interacting with people--Facebook, FaceTime, Skype, and all the other wondrous advantages of modern technology, we are, quite honestly, a socially impoverished nation.
What do I mean by that? I mean it in the context of gatherings. Not the potluck at work. Not the dinner, drinks, or cup of coffee you have with a friend or two. Not the birthday party outing, either. What I mean is the extinction of the dinner party.
A few years ago, my friend Carolyn invited a group of her friends to her home for an honest to goodness dinner party. She served Boeuf Bourguignon and Panzanella and it was divine to sit around the table with people I already enjoyed and with new people I had yet to discover. We dressed for it. Not ties and cocktail dresses, but we dressed a notch higher than street clothes. We enjoyed wines and the time passed breezily as we talked theater---who was doing what, what were the latest bits of gossip, and what we dreamed of doing. That was the primary interest of our group, made up of local actors, directors, and the sole theater critic (me). It was one of the finer evenings I've had in ages and I long for such experiences more often in my life.
They need not be "fancy" or formal. In fact, probably the best parties are easy, when you decide that having them is easy. Good food, good conversation should be relaxing. But, there are practical and useful reasons to have dinner parties beyond just the mere socialization they encourage. You can learn "soft skills" ---things that are reportedly lacking in many Millennials these days, according to employers at the corporate level. The art of face-to-face communication and adjusting to people and connecting with them in social settings is a useful skill to develop and transfer to your work life. Once you're able to find things in common with others and when you learn to broaden your conversational topics and diversify your circle of acquaintances, you can adapt to many new situations with comfort and style. That makes you useful at work, too.
It also gives you the opportunity to become more at ease with table manners and eating with others. I've mentioned so many times that manners are not meant to exclude people; they are meant to make more people feel comfortable and to put everyone on an equal footing in social situations. When people know what is expected, they can stop feeling a certain way about themselves and focus on conversation and socialization. That comes only with consistent practice.
Is it important to know that you set a table with flatware from the outside in? Maybe not to you right now, but there will come a time when you're in a formal situation and you'll want to be aware of these timeless points of protocol. Forks to the left; knives to the right. You can teach children how to remember this simple table setting convention by saying, "F-O-R-K...L-E-F-T; K-N-I-F-E...R-I-G-H-T." If you're a parent, having people over for dinner and doing it in a structured way will help your child become more social and more comfortable out in public with others. As the Europeans do, please do incorporate your children into your dinner parties with adults. It'll teach them manners and patience and it'll give them exposure to food and manners. It'll also teach them the art of conversation and more importantly, becoming interested in other people.
In other ways, having friends over for dinner is a stress reliever and a great way to unwind, once you get over the anxiety of having people over for a meal. Laughter, good food, and people you find interesting and with whom you are comfortable creates a healthy home for you. Learn to relax with others, instead of zoning out in front of the TV alone at night. In our society today, most of us are exhausted by the idea of being around other people. It's because we've created too many options to be alone and a culture that discourages community, in so many ways.
At any rate, practice with small intimate parties where you set a table for the occasion. Honor the occasion by dressing it up with flowers and linens. Learn to understand the likes and needs of others by asking them beforehand what they like to eat and drink. Practice being a good host and also learn how to be a wonderful guest.
The "dinner party" is important not because it is something affected or archaic. Quite the opposite. It's important because it brings more people, more ideas, and more opportunities into our lives. It's important because it helps us grow.